Welcome back

It's been a year since I've done this.  This is not an apology.

Occasionally (and especially recently, probably why I'm here now) I get a yearning to blog, some spark of an idea... Often as not, I've told myself that it's either too personal, or that what I really should ("should" - a dangerous word) be doing is writing in my own private journal.  I haven't made a regular practice of that in over a decade, probably, unless you count knocking out a dozen or so pages every winter when I go on retreat.

The year included Dad's steep decline in health and his death.  Simultaneously, a deep and shattering heartbreak over the death of a dear friendship.  I took on a half-dozen projects at church, all of which were pretty much abandoned while I tended to the first two matters.  I thought I found a new job - and then discovered I hadn't.  This broke my Spirit more than my heart, I think. 

Recently, I've picked up some of the pieces.  I've been able to work on most of the church projects, hopefully without disappointing too many people.  This one is the biggest, and in some ways it is also the loneliest.  

For now, I'll not change any of the formatting/colors, etc.  Of course I love to do that, but it is not the reason I'm back, and this looks fine to me for now.

Anyway, I'm back.  We'll see how it goes.

Joseph's Song

words and music by Michael Card

How could it be? This baby in my arms sleeping now so peacefully - the son of God, the Angel said - how could it be?

Lord, I know he's not my own. Not of my flesh, not of my bone. Still, Father, let this baby be the son of my love.

Father, show me where I fit into this plan of yours. How can a man be father to the son of God? Lord, for all my life, I've been a simple carpenter. How can I raise a king?

How can I raise a king?

He looks so small, his face and hands, so fair. And when he cries the sun just seems to disappear. But when he laughs it shines again. How could it be?

Father, show me where I fit into this plan of yours. How can a man be father to the son of God? Lord, for all my life, I've been a simple carpenter. How can I raise a king? How can I raise a king?

How could it be? This baby in my arms sleeping now so peacefully - the son of God, the Angel said - how could it be?

How could it be?

the Summer of twenty-ten (part VII) - the antedote

The Game.

Poets have said it better than I... it is eternal. It is simplicity itself. It is life. It is the best in us, it is the worst in us. It is green grass, blue skies - it is mud and rain.
It is pageantry and the star-spangled banner. It is a millionaire's game. It is a child's game.
It is not, any more, the national pastime. It is not a designated hitter. It is not Dodger blue, and it is not leaving in the top of the seventh. It is not booing your own. It is not the most expensive seat. It is not the same as having a picnic with a show going on in front of you.
For me, it is the romance: Fathers and sons (mothers, daughters, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandfathers, grandmothers) enjoying the game, telling stories, having a catch. It is seeing your kid put a ball in the pocket of his glove, wrap it with a rubber band and stick it under his mattress. It is sportsmanship (and sportswomanship).

It is best friends from kindergarten, all grown up, brought together again by the baseball gods to stand for the anthem.

It is pulling up to a farmstand and finding a cart of balls. It is watching the team win, turning off the television, and passing gently away into that good night. (Good night, Grandad. ♥)

It is Mike Ivey hitting in the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, on a Friday night against the Dodgers at the 'Stick. It is a frozen chocolate malt blowing off your wooden spoon in swirling winds. It is the record that breaks. It's all that history. It is brothers sharing the outfield. It is old players coaching newer ones. It is the legends.

Mays

Cepeda

McCovey

Marichal

It's the stories: the ones that will break your heart, and those that cause your spirit to soar.

It really is the crack of the bat and the roar of the crowd. It is cheering for the home team, 40,000 orange rally rags waving in unison. It is the remembering of glory and heartbreak and falling in love with the team. It is the chess game strategy. It is the tragedy of the loss. Yes, it is even a bad call at the plate.

photo courtesy of Google images

It is clever, charming, beloved broadcasters.

It is wearing orange on Fridays. It is hating the Dodgers. It is not caring much about the Series unless Your Team is in it. It is crying for joy when Your Team makes it to the Series.
It is not life or death. It is not more important than loved ones lost, or sick, or hurt. But it is a balm against those things. It is a sweet distraction. It is a reprise from the pain. And sometimes it can even be the antidote for the grief, easing it enough to snap the stress and hurt and anger and make all of those things less severe, helping you to go on.

Lenten update, week #2

There was a minor setback when some sort of wimpy flu bug grabbed hold of me last week. How is it that, every single time I have worked up some good resolve to change my ways, my physical plant shuts down and/or revolts? Hmm... Well, I shall not be moved: I have resumed making some modest progress. Not only that, but I've not had a "wasted day" since I got back on my feet last Wednesday. Yay me!

So here's the list, last posted 8 days ago, with progress noted:

upload the last 4 weeks' worth of photos from my camera... tend my very neglected garden... embroider Max's onsies... (Note on 2/28: these are almost done; just have to embroider the cute little accents on them. Will show photos when they are finished! wrap Emilie's gift and give it to her parents ... write the minutes from last month's Worship Committee meeting... read and highlight and/or redline the recently completed Mission study... clean the bathroom... fix the (collapsed, egads) interior of my craft cabinet... laundry... find out why the engine light went on in my car ... tie and hem my picnic blanket... figure out how to use my new iHome machine so I don't have to wear the earbuds to bed... make a new holiday-related craft. (note on 2/28 - the holiday has passed. Do I still make these, or wait until next year?) ... change the sheets... make a new bedspread... go outside and take photos... make and market and sell my photo cards (ahem)... take a walk... bake off the rest of the gingerbread dough... take out the garbage... vacuum... put the dates (birthdays and such) in my 2010 calendar... learn how to crochet a ball (maybe a few for Max and one for Emilie)... bake something for tonight's OMN@B... make a craigslist ad for the Calie Celae Calaei that Irish celebration at the church... learn how to spell it Ceili! ... pay the February bills... do my taxes... plant stuff into the now-cleared out garden (note on 2/28: this has begun but has not been completed)... edit those 4 weeks of photos... watch as much of the Olympics as I can (which is good for the onesies project, too). (note on 2/28 - gosh I enjoyed these Olympics) ... get the Advent/Christmas banners back from wherever they are right now...

New for today/this weekend: Write an article for the church newsletter as assisgned by my (More Light) Task Force (I missed the March edition deadline!)... make a poster for Sunday's committee fair... arrange the Sunday flowers... deal with the piles of stuff in my bedroom... fix the sewing machine (broken for about 7-8 years, but I've had the part I need for that long, as well)... grocery shop... put away the groceries... get a haircut... order prescription refills... figure out what it means and how to manage the fact that I agreed to be the church webmistress... reschedule a Worship Committee meeting... schedule a Task Force and an OMN@B meeting...

Oh, and take a nap!

Granted, it would appear that great progress has been made... and some of these items are long-range things, have been on my mental to-do list for years now. But before I go patting myself on the back, I also need to remember that this started 14 days ago, and ... well, okay. I'm not going to beat myself up. Onward! And thank you, God!

updating the list

There has been progress, albeit small! I am beginning to get things done:

(Feb 14)
Here is a list, in no particular order, of the things I would like to accomplish in the next day/days/week/weeks: upload (or is it download?) the last 4 weeks' worth of photos from my camera... tend my very neglected garden... embroider Max's onsies... wrap Emilie's gift and give it to her parents... write the minutes from last month's Worship Committee meeting... read and highlight and/or redline the recently completed Mission study... clean the bathroom... fix the (collapsed, egads) interior of my craft cabinet... laundry... find out why the engine light went on in my car (this is new, and it will be addressed before I drive any further, I promise) (note on 2/20: one oil change, one air filter, one air flow sensor and $300 later, this has been taken care of!)... tie and hem my picnic blanket... figure out how to use my new iHome machine so I don't have to wear the earbuds to bed... make a new holiday-related craft... change the sheets... make a new bedspread... go outside and take photos... make and market and sell my photo cards (ahem)... take a walk... bake off the rest of the gingerbread dough(note on 2/20: I threw it out - it was from December - there are no eggs or dairy products in the dough and was probably okay, but I threw it out)... take out the garbage... vacuum... put the dates (birthdays and such) in my 2010 calendar... learn how to crochet a ball (maybe a few for Max and one for Emilie)... had enough? At least my Christmas decorations are put away.

There are things added to the list, now....
bake something for tonight's OMN@B... make a craigslist ad for the Calie Celae Calaei that Irish celebration at the church... learn how to spell it... pay the February bills... do my taxes... plant stuff into the now-cleared out garden... edit those 4 weeks of photos... watch as much of the Olympics as I can (which is good for the onesies project, too)... get the Advent/Christmas banners back from wherever they are right now...

Mostly, I am happy that there is, at last and for now, forward motion. Keep it comin', Lord!

an Advent opportunity

It is an interesting thing to balance, this time between now and the end of the year. On one hand, there's Christmas. Joyful red and green celebrations, twinkling lights, peppermint and jingle bells; elegant, raucous, beautiful, silly music; pine boughs, wet streets and secretive errands to bustling stores ~ I love it all. On the other hand, there is Advent. Candlelight, reverence and preparation for the Child who was born to die for us all; solemn hymns, passionate purple, the spirit of discovery, wonder and unworthiness of it all ~ this, I also love.

In recent years, I have been so very concerned with keeping Advent, that I lost Christmas. I became such an Advent pharisee that the season became lost. A short excerpt from last December's blog:

I count myself among a small minority who prefers to honor Advent - in church, at least - by not rushing Christmas before it's time for that baby to be born. ...without Advent, how can one enjoy Christmas? I don't know. I just feel as if, by insisting on putting Advent first before Christmas in my personal celebration, in these past few years I've missed both and end up somewhat empty-handed and empty-hearted when Christmas comes around.

I'm not one to get caught up in the hype - in fact, I will run in the other direction if I see hype creeping in - so gross consumerism is not the issue here. A change of heart is in order, and shan't be too difficult. After all, I've been a Christmas Keeper from way back. I love this stuff, and I'm going to let myself have it!

Tonight I read a wonderful sermon by a Unitarian minister who goes by the name of Peace Bang in the blogosphere. She makes excellent points about what she calls the confusion of the season, and recommends we treat Advent/Christmas like the thanksgiving feast: "I think that if you want a juicy holiday season, you must rest like the turkey. A half an hour every day." A daily dose of Advent-Sabbath, if you will. So that is what I am going to do.

Starting tomorrow, December first, I am going to do one thing each day to celebrate and prepare for Christmas. It might be something big, it will probably be something small - but it will be my own personal Advent task: to find joy in this balance of preparation and celebration.

glimpse of a summer garden

geez, that title sounds way more romantic than the reality. Ah, well. My garden is a humble space, but it is also a source of some delight. Come, see:
This is the view out the back door, from my kitchen and over the desk... the leafy greenness of everything beckons on these beautiful days.
a gorgeous pelargonium (geranium), which grows right outside the sliding door. It has become HUGE, and is blooming like crazy. Alas, it also is full of whiteflies... which I won't spray because I am not interested in killing my ladybugs. A green gardening trade off.

White cosmos - growing about 3' high, and quite happy, despite the small container they are living in. They're so cheery, and make me think of Jenny (cosmos are her favorite flower).
I've planted deep red sweet william in a couple of places... here, it's a nice contrast to the yellow primrose that has stuck around since late winter!
Here, they accompany the orange zinnia "profusion"
More orange! These are "million bells", a.k.a. calibrachoa. These are kind of like petunias, but really small: each flower is about the diameter of a quarter. I've got three colors growing on one shelf. The shelves are rusty and old, so I don't want to show you that...
...but here's a nice close up of the red and purple ones. Teeny-tiny spider costs extra!
A bit of my newly-replanted hanging basket: this is the dahlberg "golden fleece" daisy, some dark blue lobelia and white sweet alyssum...
... and rising above all those billowing, spilling-over flowers, a handful of (orange! again!) pansies. In the very center - a delphinium which ... did not do well. We shall speak of this no more.
Finally, one of my favorite flowers in the world, in one of its most beautiful varieties: a white california poppy! These grew from seed - I sowed a LOT of seeds, but have just the one plant, hiding in the far corner and leaning way over the balcony. I was very happy to get a shot of the shy bloom one sunny day not too long ago!

That's it - thanks for visiting my garden! As it continues to change and grow - so long as no disasterous wind, drought or pestilence comes - I'll post again!

vacation commencement

I accomplish so little when I stay home. I don't know why; perhaps it's habit. (It may be laziness.) It is relaxing, to be sure, but it can also be quite frustrating. Especially towards the end of the day, when I look around and realize that this opportunity has frittered away, once again.

Not sure what to do about that. The relaxation ~ down time ~ sure feels healthy and right at the time, but one does not wish to slip into utter slothfulness, either. It is, indeed, a slippery slope for me.

Today ~ today! ~ is the first day of a very brief vacation for me. (I will return to work on Tuesday, so it's really only 4 days off.) It's 11 in the morning, and I'm off to an okay start. The dishes are done, the bed is made. Floors vacuumed (a BIG deal for me, it's a chore that I nearly never accomplish) just a few days ago. I have some work to do at my desk, including this note, which will take me until about noon to accomplish. And then ~ and then! ~ I am free.

I have plans to tend my garden all afternoon. If all goes according to plan, there will be pictures by the morrow!

Tomorrow I plan to check the camping equipment, plan a menu, grocery shop and do some baking and pre-cooking for the long weekend. Thursday after lunch I'll head south, towards Santa Cruz, for the annual Quickert reunion campout.

I'm so eager to see my extended family!

(group photo of the 1999 campout -- those kids are a lot bigger now!)

in the pink

Looking forward to all that the weekend will bring, and a vacation on the near horizon... may your day be blessed!

hopes for the day

a.k.a. "the day-off to do list"

1. settle my stomach
2. go to the farmer's market/get flowers for sunday
3. head down the coast to the half moon bay nursery (to replace the nursery packs I bought about 6 weeks ago, never got planted, and now are mostly... dead - sigh)
   
4. replant my hanging basket - really this time!
5. vacuum and mop
6. get the bills paid
7. choir @ 7:30

what are the odds that even half of those things will be accomplished? I don't know. but here is opportunity, all things are possible. time to step over the threshold and get going!

hot hot hot!

weather: Yeah, it's in the 90ºs here today. Which is weird, because even though we usually have a few warm days in May, around these parts it's not usually this warm. So I'm using San Bruno AC: a battery-operated fan and a squirt bottle. And I am comforting myself in the knowledge of the Warm Weather Rule: 3 hot days, and then the fog rolls back in. Like clockwork. It'll be great.

church music: The Bethany choir had a real good day today! Sang a centuries-old piece of music, "Cantate Domino", (which is *not* about pizza delivery) acapella. It was... magnificent. I am so happy to be part of the choir again. I had a long drought when I didn't really get to sing anywhere. But with T. as the new Director of Music this year, even going to choir rehearsal can be a worshipful experience. Surrounded all night by dear, dear friends in the choir loft, I leave each week feeling both energized and content. Sunday mornings are similarly at-peace, but with a whole 'nother energy. Today the Spirit was very tangible, and the whole experience was satisfying on many levels.

Open Mic Night: Bethany is hosting a monthly event, and so far it's going even better than I imagined. About 40 people attended last night, and 8 of them were guests - folks who saw the ads I put up on line and just showed up. Perfect! Last night was a little bigger, a little better than the previous event.

Next month it will continue to grow. How do I know this? I guess the best way to describe it is faith. Last night it was apparent, so very clear, that God is blessing this endeavor. Do you remember that scene in "Field of Dreams" where the little girl says with certainty, "people will come. They won't even know why they're coming here, or where they are going when they get in their car..."? It feels like that - with little or nothing to do with logic, people will come. This is happening for all the right reasons and we are following the guidance of a Power greater than all of us. The event will, simply, grow.

One of our guests last night said, "you people ALL belong to the same church? This place is amazing!" Modesty aside - it's true. About half of the congregation are incredibly talented - professional quality - musicians. It hardly seems fair, until we realize that God has brought all of these talented people together into one congregation for a reason. The whole push behind doing an open mic night is to multiply our "talents". (A small biblical pun.) We are providing a warm and welcoming space for others like us... others who may not have a place to go, who may not know that a church can be such a place. We are here, and we are ready.

It is SO exciting to watch this unfold!